In the past couple months, I have begun a number of blog posts that never fleshed out or made it beyond a free form writing exercise. Forgive me, dear reader, for not having the thoroughness and humility to share these musings. This serves as a metaphor for my life right now. Unrealized, unsure, discontent, my life doesn't have the same flare and sex appeal of a wandering climber philosopher. I am in transition. I assist a carpenter for a living, spend a lot of time at home, and often wonder "what next?"
I don't have an answer to this question, but I have hope. I am confident that I will find my way. I have hope, because I have love, health, and freedom.
Looking at all that I have accomplished in the last year, I see so much positive momentum. Reflecting on my relationships, the dreams I have realized as a climber, and as a young man. Yet, there are times when I am working away at some mindless task like masking ceilings or laying tile, and I think about what it means to be successful. Tiptoeing on a ladder as I tape plastic to a wall, I imagine my friends and family watching me and wonder; what would they think? Did I waste my time in college? Is my potential draining away?
These questions seem sort of depressing, but then I remember a list of 100 dreams I wrote for English class when I was in high school. Next to graduating college, and learning martial arts, building my own house is something I have always wanted to do. So here I am, learning how to run a table saw, because it is one step in a long complicated journey. The path ahead of me is a great mystery, but it is my mystery, my adventure. In my meditation, picturing my loved ones, I see them smile, and I know they see reasons to be proud of me. So, my hope keeps me going. This week I am going to learn how to install wood floors, and after that, who knows? Hopefully, I get to see another week.
